Psychoanalytic Break

After all that God has blessed me to do, there comes a time I need time to analyze and write. It was confirmed that I was doing his work and following his lead. With my being, there is always room for self-improvement and this requires stepping back and checking in with myself.  There just needs to be a time I take those moments with him, with nature, with people, and writing.

A person can’t take in all those experiences without analyzing how to be better. The confirmations have come through and there is time for me to “breathe and reboot”(TV show). It's a time to psychoanalyze people, their behavior, the cultural interaction, the happiness, the family and environmental impacts, and the cultural comparison between one and another. 

Also, Matagalapa is a beautiful Mountain region and the perfect place to connect with nature. This is exactly what I did hiking up the hills to some spectacular views and places to meditate.  A time to think about all these incredible souls I encounter, the suffering, and my contribution.  Person to person, community to community, city to city and one spirit traveling on. 

While I did not dedicate myself to a specific church, I dedicated myself to the streets. You can make an impact anywhere you go and it does not mean you have to be tied to an organization.  All it takes is being brave and having a desire to listen and help. Again, people just want the acknowledgement and this is what I did.  

Elderly Need

With the unbearable heat, I wanted to get an ice cream cone.  Burger King has my favorite ice cream cones when I'm abroad. I love my Eskimo, but I don't like their Vanilla ice cream in the cooler(yes weird). Always, always content sitting and eating my $1 ice cream cone, I see the cutest old man dressed like a elderly rebel. He has some cool glasses and a war general shirt. His name is Reynaldo. He is speaking a difficult Spanish, but I am following 80 percent. Reynaldo just sits and reads the newspaper. He is talking about different wars and how his wife passed away long ago.  It's clear that he's lonely and needs a friend. The elderly always need a friend and if you think they don't-they do.  He is sharing with no filter and he is happy to have someone to share things with. Reynaldo lives in a city outside Leon and a program helps him come to the center every Wednesday.  Every Wednesday is the senior citizen matinee movie at 12pm. He introduces me to his friend, Harry, and Harry is friendly and thinks he's got a new date.

Reynaldo is planning our second meeting asking me to meet him in the park in front of the cathedral.  This is 1 minute from where I'm staying, but when I will have the time during the day is beyond me. 

I tell him that I will try to meet in the park on Thursday, but it would have to be after 4pm.  He says that he will be in the park from 2 to 4 and wait for me. 

Unfortunately, I did not make it at 4 and Reynaldo was waiting for me and I never came.  This makes me sad, but it's the reality that presents itself sometimes.  You can't help everyone all the time and sometimes you need to say, "No."
Still adore this man.... but sad for the hope lost 

Don't set up people's expectations too high because if you disappoint- this is a bad case of guilt and a complete sadness for the other person. PRIS

Unfulfilled Purpose

The reality of Believe in your Purpose is some people never reach their purpose. They may think, wonder, dream, write, or talk about it, but it just never comes true for them.  They are battling an environment that does not allow them to run towards their purpose rather it pushes them away. With those of underprivledged communities, the opportunity, the need, the job position, the economy, the government-it's just not there to support them.  Some people can believe, but the delivery or following through on their purpose may be difficult to obtain.

The beautiful thing is that people make the most of what they're given. People of countries like India, Cambodia, Honduras, Nicaragua, Morocco-they utilize the tools they have been given to live.  The fruits and vegetables are a main way to earn money.  Selling items in the markets such as: electronics, furniture, second hand clothing, etc. People never fail to come up with the most creative ideas to make money.  God provides these ideas for people to survive and to get by.  They have a family to feed and they are just making enough to meet basic needs. For example, Jose may always dream to be a painter, but he sells Icecream everyday on his bike. In his spare time, he has to raise his four kids as his wife also work 60 hours a week. Without a supportive source or a supportive society, Jose will not make the push to try and pursue painting.  The income and supporting his family is what comes first in third world countries.  The variety of jobs available to those without a college education and the ability to speak English is very slim.  These people can believe in their purpose, but living in their purpose is difficult to obtain.  

Being aware of this fact, I am fully aware of my duty to people.  When I travel, it is my job to help people of all ages, colors, and backgrounds to Believe in their Purpose. There are countless moments where I am sitting with a young child who wants to go to college and become a lawyer.  A man with no legs in front of the cathedral who wants have his own shop selling balloons. A woman with five kids who wants to finish up her nursing degree.  A young girl going to medical school when she wants to become a lawyer.  A 7 year old boy who wants to help people in social work.

Everywhere I go the need for purpose surrounds me.  If it is not verbalized to me, their spirit is calling for it.  The guy cleaning floors everyday for 20 years does not want that job, but it realistically fits his needs. He will not leave to explore his purpose because he is afraid he can't find another job OR he is going to end up in the same kind of job because that is where society places him.

Truly I want the best for people, but most of the times these countries do not have the same intentions. The NGOs and the organizations may want the best for people, but government could truly care less about it's people unless they are of high society.

There is no other choice except for me to listen to them and let them share their purpose.  If they want to talk for an hour. I have to listen and be inspirational and motivational and empowering, but always realistic when assessing their potential.  I encourage them to write about it paint about it and still dream about it.

Our dreams should not go unrecognized with an unfulfilled purpose

White Judgement

Everyone is guilty at one point or another in their lives of feeling envious, unaccepted, judgmental-it happens because we are human.  When it comes to the exterior, it is not always about physical appearance, but it's also about skin color.  While we make unfair judgments of the African-American population, we also discriminate just as much with the White population. 

If you watch television sitcoms or listen to comedians, they always have some opinions and comments on the White population.  It usually involves wealth, increased needs and wants, self absorbed, sheltered, and having good education and jobs. Many times these stereotypes impact our psyche leading to beliefs.  Sometimes these beliefs come unconscious where we do not even know that we are engaging in them.  
   
When someone is "White" and they grow up in the US in a two parent household, things appear better on the outside. We may assume they have an "easy life" because they grew up in a nice neighborhood.
It's hard to believe that these "perfect, White families" have problems. It may not immediately come out on the exterior surface, but the problem(s) come out in the home.  This impacts the children,  the marriage, the relationships between siblings, education, future prospects, and the psychological mind and being. 



It's not about the world "perfect" rather it's truly about the suffering amongst that exterior surface one believes to be perfect.  When we see "White" on the surface, the belief that things are "okay" has a much higher percentage than someone who is African-American, Mexican, or Mixed race. It's not based off statistics, but it's based off experience with people year after year.  When White combines with wealth then this really contributes towards that judgment that, "They are just fine." 


At my hostel, I met a White girl from Seattle who I assumed had the "perfect life." She would Skype with her Mom, she was always reading or on her computer, and she acted super happy and friendly.  She shared that she was close with her family and her siblings.  They were actually on their way to Roatan for a family vacation with her. After staying there for a week, I caught on that something was off about her.  She suddenly appeared everywhere I was in the house and she asked for my advice about her educational choices.  This was all fine, but something was going on behind that happy, friendly surface.  When someone keeps appearing in my space, I just know that the Lord has sent them closer to me for a reason. It was clear that I needed to sit down and talk with this girl. 

One rainy night, she was laying in the hammock reading a college book and we started to chat.  Everyone was downstairs cooking and it was just her and I upstairs.  I asked a few questions about her family and which career path they would like her to choose.  She shared that she comes from a family of doctors and the most likely would like her to follow their path.... 

This simple question got the ball rolling and everything spilled out. She talked about how controlling her father was and how she hated him for most of her life.  She said that on the outside everything looks great, but on the inside it is broken. She broke down crying and confessed that her family was "not perfect." Her words exactly. She did not just say, "I had problems" rather she fully confessed what happened to her, her family and how it destroyed her life.  While I will not share details, it is something that is unimaginable and something I have never even heard a client say to me. Her whole life was flipped upside down and this trauma lead to other problems with her health. 
 
Of course I am aware of problems within "White families" and many times it can be worse than ever. But my own stereotype against those who do have the two wonderful parents and great family-it affects my opinion.  A part of me wants to have a big family and it leaves me feeling a bit of envy. 
I admitted that I looked at her and thought everything was "perfect" because the way she looked and the way she spoke with her mother, the planned family vacation in Honduras etc. She reassured me that everyone thinks this same way and she was not offended at all.  

Being highly aware of my behavior, especially when it comes to my profession, I realized I made a quick judgement. It was a beautiful disaster because our time and informal session was great, but I felt horrible.  I had a guilty stamp right on my forehead.  To know that this was going on in the family with the parents who loved Easter and Christmas. The parents who threw huge parties in their beautiful home. The parents who said how much they loved her, but they let her down. The exterior covered it all, including hers.  

It's always a learning experience. The beautiful part of all this is she was looking in the college book to pursue her Masters in Social Work. She knew my profession and she wanted to learn more about it. Also, she wants to help those who go through trauma just like her...

The beauty of therapy is that you don't place judgement on a person rather you just hear their story.  The judgement just fades away as you know they are clearly in therapy for a reason.  They came, they are present, and they are sharing their heart.  It's your job to listen, to be supportive, to be helpful, and be a role model.

Never let your judgment take over your opinion of a person. Ask questions, learn about them, share with them, be present with them, and have a cultural exchange.

Bus and Purpose

Matias is a 18 year old Belizian. He looks like a cute Spanish soap opera star. I realize that there are many Spanish and Belizian "mixed breeds."  He lives in Belmopan and we meet on the bus heading towards Belize City. He shares his parent's interest in him becoming a lawyer, but he is more interested in science. He is clearly a bit conflicted on what to do with his life, which is normal for someone his age.  He is very curious about my work and how I figured out my passion. He looks up at me with his brown eyes 
saying,



"How did you know that is what you wanted to do for the rest of your life?"

Wow, what a loaded question. I explained to him my feelings associated with my purpose, my experiences, and  I shared with him my work and feelings associated with my purpose.  He seemed to be a Belizian who had opportunity, which was great to witness. His father was an Army general and his mother worked for the embassy. He was such a nice boy and our chat was meaningful for the both of us. He gave me a big hug when he left, it was so cute. Bus therapy session number 1000 accomplished. CBC

Driving Miss Pris

There was a movie of the 90 s called, "Driving Miss Daisy." Well in 2014, there is small documentary called, "Driving Miss Pris." She gets dropped off in the American made car with the blonde lady driving. People are walking the streets and stand back as the car pulls in down the windy, dirt road. She feels this sense of US vs them. This feeling that she is Better or different than them. She strongly dislikes that feeling that she is someone better than them. The perception that she has a wonderful, perfect life while they encounter daily struggles-it's false so false.

She decides that she does not need a car between such a short distance. She just needs the transportation that everyone else uses. She needs a bike. She asks Mrs. Ravel for an extra bike and she rides this bike in and out of the community. She makes stops checking in with local residents, mothers, and families. She makes visits to the house and to businesses. She inquires about peoples daily routine, job opportunities, sources of support. She makes herself available to people who want a professional who is not superficial but a real person. She still has all the experience and skills along with a smile and human quality. 

She loves all the waives and attention when she is riding a bike. She also receives those with a big question mark.With no volunteers in the community- they wonder why she is there in their community?

She loves the bike, she loves the freedom, she loves to ride- just ride... Lana Del Rey

This Could Last a Lifetime

It's amazing the power or people, the power of community, and the desire to make a difference. Being with this organization and observing their commitment is inspiring. My first organization was great, but I felt a disconnect between "us" and "them" They were working hard everyday for the community, but they weren't treating them as equals. 

When sponsors came to meet the children, it felt a bit disconnected and a bit superficial.
Monkey Bay is a true team of people who appreciate their staff and treat them equally. Everyone works together and there is no line between the general manager, the founder, the project manager rather they all just equals who work passionately together on the same mission. 

Most Belizians are not employed for the Winter season, but Monkey bay keeps their staff all year long.  They are kind and caring towards them and treat them with respect. 

If I received food, shelter, and a small stipend, I could definitely live this way. Living simply and happily. Mrs.Francis just lives in a small cabin with one living space, a bathroom, and a kitchen. It's definitely possible, but not in Belize. It's unfortunately not one of the places I could live in.  Although, I can't deny my dual personalities: a desire for simplicity  and absolute craving and genetic predisposition to luxury.

Even with this said, these Non profit expats are living the simple life outside of the US, UK, Europe, and Australia. They are out of their typical spending trends and they are Finding a true happiness within altruism, community, and teamwork.

 With the three components, things slowly progress day by day and goal by goal. The progression is celebrated together by staff acknowledging the working puzzle pieces that made it happen. There is equality and people feel appreciated. The feeling of this could last last a lifetime and it confirms why people continue to work in social work and non-profit. 

Priscilla C. Raj