Some Start Young

Sometimes I meet these lovely women who are in their mid to late 30s with a big family ie 4 to 5 kids.  They are all grown up with the oldest one being in their teens-16 or 17.
It's a wonderful thing to start your family early, but I often wonder how they do it. Some started between 20 and 25
which is an average age and maybe a better way to start?

While it appears to be all about when you're ready, the realistic fact is that the longer you wait, the harder it may be to reproduce. If you have a child at 25, you will be 40 when they are 15. If you have a child at 35, you will be 50 when the child is 15. This is quite a difference, which makes me ponder how young  is too young? And how old is too old? 
 
We often judge those who irresponsibly have children very young. Those clients I have worked with who are pregnant at 12- this is clearly too young, but some people insist they are ready at 17 or 18.  Is it about maturity? The confidence in your love and relationship? The desire to reproduce?


Many older generations produced at younger ages and did not receive judgement rather it was the norm. It seeks like the early 20s are the time to have kids if you are in a committed, loving relationship and make that decision together.

 Being younger in your early 20s and late teens could bring you into the center of responsibility. It may aid in your growth process or it may lead you to continue your same lifestyle and not take care of the baby. It truly depends on your support, environment, dedication to being a mother, and the desire.


People make me feel like a proud parent.
When they follow through, When they listen.
When their eyes look at me to get my support, my acknowledgment, my praise.

These are my moments of being a parent. It is the same as having children learn how to ride a bike and you are right behind them clapping and smiling.

I love people so much. They are my absolute everything and they come through for me. With doubt comes moments of absolute wonder. When I do hold some doubt, God comes through with people.

God Gives to Those...

Getting to the Panama airport was a pain because this was the small airport for commercial flights. Finding a taxi had been extremely difficult with people saying they knew where it was and then would ask questions. Finally, one came along- a jolly kind man from Panama. Oh does God send those people at the right times. The times where I feel annoyed or I feel concerned that I won't find a cab in time. I ended up being a whole hour early and while people stood in a huge line, I had my printed pass.


While sitting there eating my avocado, rice/beans, and plantains(I feel like this is the main food I mention-sorry not very exciting). To my left there is a young adult running around smiling and laughing. Immediately, I identify that he has Mental Retardation. He reminds me of a boy I worked with in California. He always had his hands placed up and bent in front of him. This boy was always smiling as well. Do you ever notice those with special needs are always smiling? God makes them smile and present their beautiful souls. Their faces may be disfigured and their bodies and they may have no ability to walk or think like the "normal" mind, but they are smiling. 


When you see these children, it's common to see loving and caring parents.  This boy had two patient, loving parents who accommodated his needs, gave him space, and redirected him as needed. When he ran around, they remained calm and sat him down with a video game. They kept giving him hugs and kisses-all we need is love.  It was evident that these parents were meant to have this child. God gave them this child because he knew they could handle it through his loving spirit and strength. From my experience in social service, special needs parents prove themselves to be the most amazing, loving parents.
 

God gives to those...Who can handle it

This means that God assigns tasks to those he believes in, those who need a challenge, those who need a wake up call, those who are strong yet they do not exercise this strength, those who rely on beauty/image, those who are unaware of purpose, those who can share a greater message, and those who with enough courage and personal values to achieve his goals.

 

Cycle of Abuse

My first day working in the MH community, I watched a Mom tease her child on the bus and smack her a few times. She had such anger in her eyes and she kept teasing the girl when she was not even misbehaving. I saw it coming as I know the culture I had signed up to work with- Afro Carribean. 

It is common for abuse to occur within this culture and its a battle for therapists who are trying to encourage more positive methods. The clients at working based off their experience with discipline and punishment. 

The cultural impacts on parenting can have a huge influence leaving a therapist at a loss. Working with a few mothers, It took some time to get them comfortable, but when they were I had them just where I wanted them. We had an open discussion about hitting. One parent said she learned better ways to handle her kids. The other offered positive solutions, but it's clear she was going to go right back to her old ways. Getting through to the one parent is progress with this population.

As far as the other parents, I did not get a chance to work with them because their work schedule. It was clear that abuse was a central part of the community, which I had to work through. One day I was teaching a lesson and through the aisle comes my volunteer chasing her granddaughter with a tree branch. I watch them pass by as she follows her out the door. I understand they are going to keep their abusive ways, but can you please keep it out of my camp and out of the church. I don't think that is asking too much.

As far as witnessing the abuse, I never get myself involved with a parents discipline as that is their own situation to handle. You never interrupt a parent and tell them the right way to parent their children. There are different ways to bring up the conversation to effectively address the topic. 

What is truly important is to establish a rapport and put yourself in their shoes. Think about a cousin, a family member, a time you were baby sitting, a movie you watched, and let yourself think about how difficult the job must be. When you empathize, it makes the door a lot easier to open to discuss deeper things.  You can make suggestions based off your experience, but in a kind, gentle, non-confrontational, and non-superior manner.  

There may be many cultural barriers, but one has to keep that in mind.  It's a lot of work to teach someone something completely foreign to them. They were given this job of motherhood and they are just doing it the only way they know how.  A way that is taught by the culture to use verbal and physical abuse.  If we teach them something new, there is a chance they might try it.  

Keep smiling kids and believe in a better tomorrow! 

Bright Colors Spreading Love

Many Latin American countries love COLOR! Not just any color rather they love BRIGHT COLOR and Guatemala is one of these countries. When they create, they use a wide range of colors, but many are bright shades of pink, purple, orange, yellow, green, etc.  They weave different colors together in threes and often I sit on the street just watching them with admiration-a bit like a proud mother.  It's one of the most beautiful sights watching someone engage in their craft.  

It's interesting that these women choose such similar yet different patterns for items.  One bag may have one pattern of stripes and the top may have a flowers and a new pattern.  I always wonder how they choose their specific patterns for quilts, bags, clothes, shoes, etc.  

The color choice always seems to be bright giving a sense of joy in the item.  It's a nice feeling to have something colorful and I believe colors contribute towards our mood state.  Those who wear color have a tendency to be happier and brighter people-people whose spirit just shines a bit more.  

Colors can positively impact our mood without us even being conscious of the meaning or impact. We can choose certain colors based on our mood and many of those in a Spanish culture like bright colors due to their internal happiness.  This would be from my experience and the many people I have met and know from Central and South American.  

Here are some examples of the beautiful work: