Panama Border Abuse

Before we reached the border, it was unclear what we needed. I knew we needed $20, but I had read online that you needed to have proof of your income. When I asked everyone, they said "No" you usually don't need that." "It's okay don't worry about it." Perhaps I should have been worrying about it. I had no credit card because I left in the machine and all I had was cash. When I checked my online amount through my Venezuelan buddy's phone, everything was there and the card was not used. There was no way to save that page on his phone as he was using it. 


When we got to the dirty, dark border at 10pm, we had to take our suit cases out for inspection, fill out our forms, and get in line. At that moment I thought, I would much rather just take a plane. We stood in line and I couldn't see what was happening. When I got to the front with a female officer, she looks at my passport and looks at me.


"Where's your credit card?" Customs
" Well it went missing in Costa Rica just this morning." Pris


"Oh I see."


She is talking to the unconcerned, blank faced officers behind her saying she is missing a card.
She looks at me, "It looks like you are not going to Panama young lady."


"What? Isn't there something else I can do?
"No. Next."


I walk up to the next window and ask the guy sitting at the desk if I can show him a proof by bank statement.


This took five minutes because I was being completely ignored with no recognition of my presence. I asked the guy at the desk-no response, the man to the left-no response, the man standing in front of me finally responded.


"Go print it out and come back with it."


Thankfully, there is a wifi café and I go to log on to the website. Citibank is security enabled where it only lets you log on from foreign locations with proper security information.  I had pulled it up and I asked her if I could print it.


Another unhelpful girl said, "Yes, it's ready to print."


I printed it, logged out, and walked toward the front.


"No, it didn't come through the system go print it again."


This was not going to happen because I could not log on again to a foreign computer without my card number.  This was tragic as this was my only hope...so I thought. I asked everyone where there was wifi so I could pull it up on my phone. "No wifi." "No wifi."


I walk back by the bus and at this point I am really upset. I am borderline panic attack and my Venezuelan friends are calming me down and trying to figure out a solution. 


Out of nowhere comes this truck driver who says,
"Come on I'm going to help you. Come with me."
He is completely comforting and telling me to not worry because we will find a solution. I am still crying thinking about having to stay there overnight and the bus leaving without me with just $20 in my pocket.(This was end of trip the dollars were all gone).


He keeps telling me to calm down, it will be okay. He said, " I know there is another internet café that has wifi." He knows this after I asked ten people who could not tell me this. We go upstairs and the guy lets me use the Wifi, I pull it up, and I am breathing again. He is still comforting me and being beyond nice.  God sends angels.


Feeling confident and relieved, I walk up to the front to show the guy the paper. Again, they are not listening and ignoring me. I said, "Please I'm just in transit to Panama to go back home." I had the itinerary showing my flight and they knew this already.  The man from the desk is looking at me and "shaking his head." The other guy is sitting and laughing. This does not look good to me.
Were they going to let me through or what?
They wanted $750 in my account and I had over $1000. There was no problem at all with the money.  The problem was just with them and their complete discriminatory behavior towards me. When it came to all the locals going in, they were perfectly nice to them.


If I had given them attitude or done something wrong, I would definitely understand this behavior. This just made no sense.


Finally, the guy in front of me looks at it for a few minutes.
"No, you're not coming into this country."
"But I have the money that you want and I did what you told me to do."
"Did you hear what I said "No."
"But the balance is fine. It's right here."
 
They go back and sit down and completely ignore me. At this point, I'm tearing up and shaking my head. I've got to stay at this border and then catch another bus to Panama with $20? There is no way that is going to happen.  There is no Western Union here to get money.  I had planned to get money right when we crossed the border or even at a stop. 


I ask them kindly, "Is there something else I can try and do for you? My bus is leaving soon and I'm going to miss it."


They are laughing, "You can miss it because you are staying here."


The bus drivers are standing there with their hands on their hips and their hands up in the air.
"What's going on?" They were not friendly and I'm sure they were hoping I missed the bus I paid $65 dollars for.  So, what does a girl do to get what she wants with a man? She cries.


There I am crying and saying, "Please I just want to go home. I'm not going to stay in your country."


They are ignoring me AGAIN and I keep saying the same thing until the guy comes over. He looks again and says, "How do I know this statement is real?"


"This is my name, Priscilla Raj, and the statement and date is right there and that is the balance."
"Oh I see the balance. I was looking in the wrong place."


I had pointed it out five times. 


Finally, he sits down and starts doing paperwork. 

He looks up and says, "Just let her go."


And that is what they finally did.


This thin kid who had attitude and treated me horribly was being nice and stamped it. "Have a good trip."


Everyone I made friends with was asking me if I was okay and I said, "I'm fine." I gave them my backpack to put under and I got back on the bus to sit in silence. I did not want to talk with anyone as I was too upset and needed peace after that psychological abuse they just put me through.
I always say the worst kind of abuse is psychological. I would rather be hit than have someone taunt and tease me cruelly.

Again, my heart goes out to those kids who are bullied in such psychologically torturing ways.
God bless them and please protect them.

Don´t Stop Believin

When you are a psychoanalyst, you are constantly observing and analyzing people, places, things, and one more thing-you. You analyze yourself in your daily interactions and how you work as a professional. You have to analyze and reflect on your work for it to get better. That goes with any profession as one should always be learning more about themselves and their work. 

With my current project, I was doing a self assessment on how things were going and I was not quite satisfied. The youth were not showing up because the timing was too early. I was spending time with the parents and I was not sure if our session was just talk or they would actually try out what we discussed. 

While children are often playing outside, their kids are always on the street-always. They are often beating each other with sticks or crawling in the mud. They had 1.5 months of summer vacation left  so I challenged them to think of activities they can do together i.e. pull weeds, sell lemonade, do household tasks together, and help out their Mom as much as they can

When I came home I went for a run, came back for dinner, and just felt disenchanted. While I am suppose to be working in my purpose, it just doesn't feel like enough sometimes. I am challenging this population. They are responding well to me, but I just need a confirmation.......

The next day....

The next morning I was biking to work at 815am. Usually, there are not many people up at that time in the homes of the two mothers. In the house of the women with 10 kids, I passed by to see five of them outside pulling weeds. 

Her older kids are on summer break and they hardly ever wake up early, but they woke up to pull weeds. The best part is that they listened to her request when they could have just ignored her.  
They were so proud as they looked up and waived at me. I smiled at them and then I looked straight up at the sky and said, "Thank you." He knows when I just need that jump start to keep me going. 

Don't stop believing and keep the faith in people-they won't disappoint as long as you keep your faith in them. PRIS

Touched by an Angel

When it comes to the MH community, they may be in poverty, they may have no health care, they may have limited education, but what they do have is: faith.  Within this community, there are four churches along with many religious ones who believe in the word of the Lord. They may have trials, triumph, and tragedies, but they have the love and support from up above.

Being there in the middle of some tragedy, I saw the way they coped with it in a religious way.  People had less worry and anxiety when they had the church.  The prayers were made, songs were sang, and people were united with one another through his spirit.  It was lovely to witness how powerful the church can be.  In their life, they face many questions on a daily basis. Am I going to be able to pay the light bill this month? Can I send my children to school? Is it possible to get job when I have 6 kids to watch? 

These questions are asked day in and day out, but the one thing that never needs to be questioned is faith.  These communities have daily struggles, but their faith in God remains.  The local residents attend service, meet on Sunday for service, the kids attend Sunday school, and they make their daily prayers and rituals.  They sing songs of Jesus when they are in the church for camp or humming it to themselves on the bus. 


With the struggles of life, there is undying strength in these beautiful, little hearts. The faith they have builds towards their resilience. The resilience of the pain that is building in their life or environment. They pain from seeing their friend shot and dead. The pain from being hungry day in and out.  




While I can´t control what is happening, I can count on what I see in front of me. I see beauty within these children that is given by the Lord.  It’s beautiful to see his presence within the smiles of the children, especially those who have a very difficult life. He loves and takes care of his children. Some will not make it, but many will live within his loving arms. Jesus will save the day.  

Believe Again

Sometimes bad people scare you and they make you wonder why you love people so much.  Living in Morocco, my love for people was constantly questioned. There were lovely people and there were horribly dishonest people.  There were people who hurt me emotionally, psychologically, and physically. Towards the end, it felt like everyday was a challenge, but I just kept trying to make it work.  I kept trying to hold on tight to the faith I had in people and the true ability to connect with them.  While I had wonderful people in my community that I connected with and served as "friends." This was just not enough as I continued to encounter cultural barriers that lead people to be dishonest rather than direct. For instance, you would ask one question and get 5 different answers.
At the end of the day, the joke just always seemed to be on me.  

It was not the fault of the people rather it within the culture and I began to recognize this, but I still could not believe it.  People would send your head through such a roller coaster ride making  you lose track of what to believe. It made you question what you heard, what you said, what you did, and how you behaved.   It was an experience that made me truly question my faith in people.  This was a faith that had never been questioned. Perhaps it had been tested through life experiences, but it had never been questioned to this extreme.  How could people treat me this way when I am so good to them? How could they turn on me, lie to me, steal from me? Why were they engaging in such sin and claiming to have such strong morals and religious values? 

It was truly sad to see people living in such sin with such lies on a daily basis.  They never even got to know their true self as they continued to chase their false idea of truth.  It was unfortunate, but absolutely fascinating to witness such an extreme.  It really was such an extreme with there being beautiful people who followed the word of Islam and those who thought they were following the word and were just lost.  They couldn't find their way and lost their identity.  Even with all this poor treatment, I was still intrigued and wanted to learn more about this culture and why they acted in this way.  

My lovely, amazing students often commented on those just being lost and acting as a Muslim when their mind was somewhere different.  They explained to me the word of the Quran and how things are suppose to be.  My amazing students were what kept me sane in times where I felt so disappointed and frustrated.  My students gave me a dose of faith and kept me going for the time I was there. They allowed me to believe in the how truly good real people of God can be.  

After those last travels in Morocco, I returned to US and I stayed there except for trips to Scotland and Ireland where the people were fantastic, but that was kind of assumed as I heard about the great hospitality.  With Central America, I didn't know what I would be put on my plate.  

Would there be kind people and spirits coming my way or would I encounter something negative?
  
 Would God restore my faith after my traumatic experience?

Would people have open arms and open hearts?

Would their Christian religion be present in their daily actions and behavior?

Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes 

God delivered and he delivered with such beauty and wonder.  Guatemala has allowed me to Believe Again in the people that I love. The conversations are of honesty, purity, and curiosity.  The people are special on the inside and they follow through on their Word.  They want to genuinely help you and not misguide you in anyway.  It's truly been something wonderful and a new beginning with a new country.  It's learning and helping those who need it and deserve it rather than engaging with negativity and people who are wasting your time. It is beautiful to see those engaged in love and honesty.  I am proud for these moments I share with Guatemalans, especially the Mayan Community.  

Thank you for helping me Believe Again.....