Cycle of Abuse

My first day working in the MH community, I watched a Mom tease her child on the bus and smack her a few times. She had such anger in her eyes and she kept teasing the girl when she was not even misbehaving. I saw it coming as I know the culture I had signed up to work with- Afro Carribean. 

It is common for abuse to occur within this culture and its a battle for therapists who are trying to encourage more positive methods. The clients at working based off their experience with discipline and punishment. 

The cultural impacts on parenting can have a huge influence leaving a therapist at a loss. Working with a few mothers, It took some time to get them comfortable, but when they were I had them just where I wanted them. We had an open discussion about hitting. One parent said she learned better ways to handle her kids. The other offered positive solutions, but it's clear she was going to go right back to her old ways. Getting through to the one parent is progress with this population.

As far as the other parents, I did not get a chance to work with them because their work schedule. It was clear that abuse was a central part of the community, which I had to work through. One day I was teaching a lesson and through the aisle comes my volunteer chasing her granddaughter with a tree branch. I watch them pass by as she follows her out the door. I understand they are going to keep their abusive ways, but can you please keep it out of my camp and out of the church. I don't think that is asking too much.

As far as witnessing the abuse, I never get myself involved with a parents discipline as that is their own situation to handle. You never interrupt a parent and tell them the right way to parent their children. There are different ways to bring up the conversation to effectively address the topic. 

What is truly important is to establish a rapport and put yourself in their shoes. Think about a cousin, a family member, a time you were baby sitting, a movie you watched, and let yourself think about how difficult the job must be. When you empathize, it makes the door a lot easier to open to discuss deeper things.  You can make suggestions based off your experience, but in a kind, gentle, non-confrontational, and non-superior manner.  

There may be many cultural barriers, but one has to keep that in mind.  It's a lot of work to teach someone something completely foreign to them. They were given this job of motherhood and they are just doing it the only way they know how.  A way that is taught by the culture to use verbal and physical abuse.  If we teach them something new, there is a chance they might try it.  

Keep smiling kids and believe in a better tomorrow!