Everyone is guilty at one point or another in their lives of feeling envious, unaccepted, judgmental-it happens because we are human. When it comes to the exterior, it is not always about physical appearance, but it's also about skin color. While we make unfair judgments of the African-American population, we also discriminate just as much with the White population.
If you watch television sitcoms or listen to comedians, they always have some opinions and comments on the White population. It usually involves wealth, increased needs and wants, self absorbed, sheltered, and having good education and jobs. Many times these stereotypes impact our psyche leading to beliefs. Sometimes these beliefs come unconscious where we do not even know that we are engaging in them.
When someone is "White" and they grow up in the US in a two parent household, things appear better on the outside. We may assume they have an "easy life" because they grew up in a nice neighborhood.
It's hard to believe that these "perfect, White families" have problems. It may not immediately come out on the exterior surface, but the problem(s) come out in the home. This impacts the children, the marriage, the relationships between siblings, education, future prospects, and the psychological mind and being.
It's not about the world "perfect" rather it's truly about the suffering amongst that exterior surface one believes to be perfect. When we see "White" on the surface, the belief that things are "okay" has a much higher percentage than someone who is African-American, Mexican, or Mixed race. It's not based off statistics, but it's based off experience with people year after year. When White combines with wealth then this really contributes towards that judgment that, "They are just fine."
At my hostel, I met a White girl from Seattle who I assumed had the "perfect life." She would Skype with her Mom, she was always reading or on her computer, and she acted super happy and friendly. She shared that she was close with her family and her siblings. They were actually on their way to Roatan for a family vacation with her. After staying there for a week, I caught on that something was off about her. She suddenly appeared everywhere I was in the house and she asked for my advice about her educational choices. This was all fine, but something was going on behind that happy, friendly surface. When someone keeps appearing in my space, I just know that the Lord has sent them closer to me for a reason. It was clear that I needed to sit down and talk with this girl.
One rainy night, she was laying in the hammock reading a college book and we started to chat. Everyone was downstairs cooking and it was just her and I upstairs. I asked a few questions about her family and which career path they would like her to choose. She shared that she comes from a family of doctors and the most likely would like her to follow their path....
This simple question got the ball rolling and everything spilled out. She talked about how controlling her father was and how she hated him for most of her life. She said that on the outside everything looks great, but on the inside it is broken. She broke down crying and confessed that her family was "not perfect." Her words exactly. She did not just say, "I had problems" rather she fully confessed what happened to her, her family and how it destroyed her life. While I will not share details, it is something that is unimaginable and something I have never even heard a client say to me. Her whole life was flipped upside down and this trauma lead to other problems with her health.
Of course I am aware of problems within "White families" and many times it can be worse than ever. But my own stereotype against those who do have the two wonderful parents and great family-it affects my opinion. A part of me wants to have a big family and it leaves me feeling a bit of envy.
I admitted that I looked at her and thought everything was "perfect" because the way she looked and the way she spoke with her mother, the planned family vacation in Honduras etc. She reassured me that everyone thinks this same way and she was not offended at all.
Being highly aware of my behavior, especially when it comes to my profession, I realized I made a quick judgement. It was a beautiful disaster because our time and informal session was great, but I felt horrible. I had a guilty stamp right on my forehead. To know that this was going on in the family with the parents who loved Easter and Christmas. The parents who threw huge parties in their beautiful home. The parents who said how much they loved her, but they let her down. The exterior covered it all, including hers.
It's always a learning experience. The beautiful part of all this is she was looking in the college book to pursue her Masters in Social Work. She knew my profession and she wanted to learn more about it. Also, she wants to help those who go through trauma just like her...
If you watch television sitcoms or listen to comedians, they always have some opinions and comments on the White population. It usually involves wealth, increased needs and wants, self absorbed, sheltered, and having good education and jobs. Many times these stereotypes impact our psyche leading to beliefs. Sometimes these beliefs come unconscious where we do not even know that we are engaging in them.
When someone is "White" and they grow up in the US in a two parent household, things appear better on the outside. We may assume they have an "easy life" because they grew up in a nice neighborhood.
It's hard to believe that these "perfect, White families" have problems. It may not immediately come out on the exterior surface, but the problem(s) come out in the home. This impacts the children, the marriage, the relationships between siblings, education, future prospects, and the psychological mind and being.
It's not about the world "perfect" rather it's truly about the suffering amongst that exterior surface one believes to be perfect. When we see "White" on the surface, the belief that things are "okay" has a much higher percentage than someone who is African-American, Mexican, or Mixed race. It's not based off statistics, but it's based off experience with people year after year. When White combines with wealth then this really contributes towards that judgment that, "They are just fine."
At my hostel, I met a White girl from Seattle who I assumed had the "perfect life." She would Skype with her Mom, she was always reading or on her computer, and she acted super happy and friendly. She shared that she was close with her family and her siblings. They were actually on their way to Roatan for a family vacation with her. After staying there for a week, I caught on that something was off about her. She suddenly appeared everywhere I was in the house and she asked for my advice about her educational choices. This was all fine, but something was going on behind that happy, friendly surface. When someone keeps appearing in my space, I just know that the Lord has sent them closer to me for a reason. It was clear that I needed to sit down and talk with this girl.
One rainy night, she was laying in the hammock reading a college book and we started to chat. Everyone was downstairs cooking and it was just her and I upstairs. I asked a few questions about her family and which career path they would like her to choose. She shared that she comes from a family of doctors and the most likely would like her to follow their path....
This simple question got the ball rolling and everything spilled out. She talked about how controlling her father was and how she hated him for most of her life. She said that on the outside everything looks great, but on the inside it is broken. She broke down crying and confessed that her family was "not perfect." Her words exactly. She did not just say, "I had problems" rather she fully confessed what happened to her, her family and how it destroyed her life. While I will not share details, it is something that is unimaginable and something I have never even heard a client say to me. Her whole life was flipped upside down and this trauma lead to other problems with her health.
Of course I am aware of problems within "White families" and many times it can be worse than ever. But my own stereotype against those who do have the two wonderful parents and great family-it affects my opinion. A part of me wants to have a big family and it leaves me feeling a bit of envy.
I admitted that I looked at her and thought everything was "perfect" because the way she looked and the way she spoke with her mother, the planned family vacation in Honduras etc. She reassured me that everyone thinks this same way and she was not offended at all.
Being highly aware of my behavior, especially when it comes to my profession, I realized I made a quick judgement. It was a beautiful disaster because our time and informal session was great, but I felt horrible. I had a guilty stamp right on my forehead. To know that this was going on in the family with the parents who loved Easter and Christmas. The parents who threw huge parties in their beautiful home. The parents who said how much they loved her, but they let her down. The exterior covered it all, including hers.
It's always a learning experience. The beautiful part of all this is she was looking in the college book to pursue her Masters in Social Work. She knew my profession and she wanted to learn more about it. Also, she wants to help those who go through trauma just like her...
The beauty of therapy is that you don't place judgement on a person rather you just hear their story. The judgement just fades away as you know they are clearly in therapy for a reason. They came, they are present, and they are sharing their heart. It's your job to listen, to be supportive, to be helpful, and be a role model.
Never let your judgment take over your opinion of a person. Ask questions, learn about them, share with them, be present with them, and have a cultural exchange.
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